Funny how my mood can go from the brilliant high of yesterday to the exhaustion and depression of today, totally overnight. It’s almost like a switch was flicked inside me.
Seven hours at work tomorrow (thanks a lot, Jack) and then Ade Edmondson & The Bad Shepherds a few hours later. I should at least be keen for the gig, but honestly I don’t even know how I’m going to wake up in the morning.
Mandy telling me I can take an hour for lunch instead of 30 minutes is nice, but it isn’t doing much to quell my apathy and almost-fear about the overwhelming length of the day ahead.
I will never get sick of the amazing shot of inspiration and desire to create that comes from seeing a live show or talking with creative people.
Going to the ‘breaking into the industry’ forum tonight was a great move. I wish I’d been able to think of a question or two for Chris Isaacs before the event ended, but I guess I’m bound to see him at comedy or theatre things in the future. Some of the stuff he said about up-and-comers talking to established artists made me really keen to chat with him (and some certain other folk I know of/have seen but haven’t met), so I need to jump at that when I get a chance.
So yeah, wow. Great evening.
I feel tired, headachey, and utterly amazing.
I could be doing useful things, but I sleep until the afternoon. I could be making art, but I sit on my ideas. I could be moving forward and not worrying, but I dwell on my decisions and assume the worst. I could be happy. I could be. But I’m not.
Feeling so strange and uneasy right now, that I’m starting to regret things I haven’t even done yet.
But what am I supposed to think when a certain someone pops up on FB chat out of nowhere, and in the course of our conversation explains that his internet connection isn’t working great as he’s way out of town at his in-laws’ place for easter, but that he thought he’d message me because he can’t sleep?
So I’ve had one of those days where I really wished I could throw it all in and quit my job. Nothing actually went wrong, per se, but it’s just so exhausting for me even doing a couple of five hour shifts a week. Plus, retail work is hard; it’s not something that matches my personality type at all. And I mean, technically I could quit. But I have so many plans for traveling and going to events and taking courses… I’m just scared to give up the extra source of income.