Someone from this year’s winning GISHWHES team had invited me to apply to join them several months ago, but I wasn’t able to apply. Until the winners were announced, I honestly didn’t care about the result, but now… I hate the whole ‘what might have been’ mindset, but I can’t help the little niggling feeling of “what if?” that I get knowing there’s a chance I could’ve been on that team.
I’m happy for the team, but right now it’s more of an obligatory emotion than a genuine one. In reality I am totally pleased for them, and deep down don’t care that much about the results. I’ve just been having such a crummy time lately that I can’t help feeling jealous and sad right now.
Considering trying to find someone to do a few short-form roleplay exchanges with, just a couple of paragraphs here and there, to try and stimulate my writing brain. I’m still so bogged down in blah that I can’t seem to make myself write anything on my own. Not sure where to look, though.
Wish I was getting sleep at night. I’m too tired to do anything because I’m not sleeping. Today was so stupid.
I do believe a proper, in-person D&D campaign may finally be on the table! (Pun intended?) I’m a tad concerned I’ll still feel stupid trying to get involved in this sort of thing, but I’m excited to get into it anyway. Good group of people.
Stuck in two minds about whether I want to move out of home now, or not, and have been thinking about it all day today. If I stay at home, I’ll run the risk of genuinely starting to hate and resent my family, especially mum. But if I rent somewhere, I’ll hardly be able to afford to live. I could afford driving lessons if I stay at home. If I move, lessons will be difficult, but I also may not need to drive. I’d be closer to uni for next year if I go somewhere else, but remaining at home means I could save some money for travelling.
I’m so damn confused. I already told Kathleen I’d be very interested in moving in somewhere with her, but now I’m having second thoughts and I just don’t know. I didn’t think I’d look back once I had even the vaguest of opportunities for a place of my own. And yet…