Breaking Free On A Wednesday Morning

And blogging my way through the year.

I plan to post at least once a day, for the entirety of 2014.

Follow me on my new year's journey, if you like. I think it's going to be a good one.

Someone from this year’s winning GISHWHES team had invited me to apply to join them several months ago, but I wasn’t able to apply. Until the winners were announced, I honestly didn’t care about the result, but now… I hate the whole ‘what might have been’ mindset, but I can’t help the little niggling feeling of “what if?” that I get knowing there’s a chance I could’ve been on that team.

I’m happy for the team, but right now it’s more of an obligatory emotion than a genuine one. In reality I am totally pleased for them, and deep down don’t care that much about the results. I’ve just been having such a crummy time lately that I can’t help feeling jealous and sad right now.

rhinky-dink:

Link’s body is amazing. When I decided I felt like drawing something, but Google wouldn’t load any images for me to reference, I couldn’t resist pulling up a cap of Link’s naked torso. Oof.

This is the first time I’ve drawn anything in quite a long time. I’m so out of practice, but I think it turned out okay! To be honest, it’s probably not really finished, but I got tired and impatient so I’m calling it done. Definitely want to keep at drawing now; maybe some Rhett and Link portraits soon?

For some reason I thought it was a good idea to do this in the early hours of this morning. Now I’m stupidly tired. But I guess at least I was making productive use of my insomnia, for once.

Considering trying to find someone to do a few short-form roleplay exchanges with, just a couple of paragraphs here and there, to try and stimulate my writing brain. I’m still so bogged down in blah that I can’t seem to make myself write anything on my own. Not sure where to look, though.

Wish I was getting sleep at night. I’m too tired to do anything because I’m not sleeping. Today was so stupid.

I do believe a proper, in-person D&D campaign may finally be on the table! (Pun intended?) I’m a tad concerned I’ll still feel stupid trying to get involved in this sort of thing, but I’m excited to get into it anyway. Good group of people.

Birthday selfies - looking wistfully into the future, wondering what awaits me on the other side of life’s LaserDisc… plus bonus closer-up of my crazy jaw. An unflattering angle that somehow works? Or maybe I’m just overly intrigued by the shape and size of my own jaw and chin ahaha.

Lunch with Rhi, Ange, and Fi was great. Awkward trying to figure out how to react to your friend telling you that her boyfriend thinks you’re attractive, though 0_0 Ahaha. And they bought me a surprise slice of apple pie, too, with a musical candle. And ah, I will remember “flightless land chicken” as a completely pointless classic for months to come.

Finally made it to Headliners at the Bris. It was great, but also the last one, naturally :/ I’m looking forward to the next series of shows now though. Especially as I’ve realised how much I love this more themed/formatted improv stuff. I mean, Hoo Haa shows are great most definitely, but last year’s Any Broadway… and Captain Spaceship, as well as tonight’s show, were total gold!

I guess the other thing that I’ll remember from today is Nick. He still confuses me… The last time I spoke to him was fine and I got no “this girl is weird” vibe at all. Same thing tonight, but I didn’t interact with him so who knows what’s happening. I do know that he never fails to make me laugh, and that somehow he instantly goes from generic looking/not “my type” to incredibly attractive as soon as he starts performing. He’s funny, for sure, but also a really good actor. Very appealing.

The only thing left for today is to watch GMM - I do hope it’s a good one, because that’d be the delicious icing on the metaphorical birthday cake of my day!

God, but I love her. It feels bizarre that I’ve only met her once, and spent less than five minutes in her company, yet I miss her so much. Why do all my favourite friends live in other states? :(

So this comment really brightened my day, after seeing K and chatting about renting. That conversation made me excited but also terrified, especially once I got home and realised I almost certainly can’t actually afford to move out yet. The worst thing is, I think she’s assuming this is a go-ahead plan, and now I’m going to have to back pedal quickly - when she’s just declared this month the worst of her whole life. Great timing for me to fuck things up for her even more… Shiiiiit.

Stuck in two minds about whether I want to move out of home now, or not, and have been thinking about it all day today. If I stay at home, I’ll run the risk of genuinely starting to hate and resent my family, especially mum. But if I rent somewhere, I’ll hardly be able to afford to live. I could afford driving lessons if I stay at home. If I move, lessons will be difficult, but I also may not need to drive. I’d be closer to uni for next year if I go somewhere else, but remaining at home means I could save some money for travelling.

I’m so damn confused. I already told Kathleen I’d be very interested in moving in somewhere with her, but now I’m having second thoughts and I just don’t know. I didn’t think I’d look back once I had even the vaguest of opportunities for a place of my own. And yet…

That should do it. I can’t believe my baby brother is 16 today!

It’s Conor’s birthday tomorrow and I just realised I haven’t bought/made him a present yet. Worst sister, right here. I don’t even know what I should get, but this is going to be some mad last minute gift finding.